Subsequent to the rupture of the relationship he will feel torn to pieces with grief. He will suffer insomnia, often talking to himself when trying to fall asleep. This talking will occur in fits and jerks; it is not continuous. On closing his eyes he will see or relive a scene from the relationship and, in a fit of emotion, will blurt out something; e.g., "No, No, Go away!" This example illustrates an important characteristic of this remedy: when under stress or suffering a grief, Aurum may begin talking to himself. It is an aggressive form of talking, erupting as thoughts come to him. The words seem to jerkily escape from his mouth. During that period he will remain closed, silent, non-communicative and brooding. True to his Aurum nature, he may soon begin to lose his ambition in life, eventually reaching a state of complete lack of ambition with the hope that he will soon find an exit from this wretched and disappointing world.
Resentment and Vengefulness
After such a grief, resentment and vengefulness lay claim to his character. He takes his revenge on his next lover, acting very coldly toward her. He gives nothing of himself in this relationship (like Natrum muriaticum and Ignatia, Veratrum album and Hyosyamus, but for different reasons). The relationship is primarily established on an intellectual level, the Aurum individual being considered attractive especially because of his mental capabilities. However, he may display great sexual excitement in this relationship (though not so great as would Platina ). Eventually, at some point in the relationship when he feels that his lover has become quite attached to him, he begins to take advantage of her and to treat her coldly and cruelly. He inflicts suffering on her while at the same time suffering himself because of his behavior. This suffering leads to deeper grief which augments the earlier depression. He feels that there is no possibility in this world to have a successful love affair because he recognizes his own weakness in that regard – his fear of rejection. [Still, that which Aurum fears most is a downfall and the loss of his self-esteem and the respect of others.]
He feels that he will not survive if he is rejected by his lover; in consequence, his thoughts immediately turn to the ultimate destructive recourse – suicide; however, paradoxically, he also refuses to accept the least flaw in a relationship. (Gold does not accept impurities.) This lack of acceptance on his part is not, of course, the result of some [alchemical] incompatability between Aurum’s "purity" and his partner’s