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The Celle Seminars_Page 51

Celle Seminar I, Case 2: Insanity

much, or that she has a wild look in her eye? What is the most impressive aspect of her illness?
(D.): First of all, in the states of anxiety she is unable to distinguish between dream and reality. Let me give you some examples: She’s frightened of tanks on the roof of the house; or she’s frightened of the moon, the moon looks red to her; or she imagines that Judas is hanging himself in the church. Perhaps this is associated with her father’s suicide; or she sees golden eyes in her dreams, and then later on she realizes they are her own eyes looking at her threateningly. Sometimes she believes that demons live inside her. These demons can only be exorcised in a bloody manner; that’s why she tries to eat glass. My mother and my father apparently had dealings with literature of this kind—literature on demonic possession—several years before. (F.P.): I’d like to comment on this myself. I’m trying to elaborate on the aspect of having demons inside. I’m not strictly speaking about my state as described earlier. This relates more to the way I felt when I was first ill in 1981. I could see my husband’s view on my condition, and it was really my rejection of this particular viewpoint of my condition that had something to do with my problem. Today I do not see my condition as he did then. Of course, some of the images that are conjured up in the dreams are real, and they can be interpreted as war experiences, for example, black SS-boots and things like that. These are experiences from my childhood. Earlier on I said that today my husband doesn’t see my illness as he did initially in 1981. (G.V.): How does he perceive your illness now? How do you yourself perceive it—better or worse?
(F.P.): I’m worried that my condition is deteriorating because the frequency of attacks has increased. There was one attack in 1981, then two more attacks in 1988 and 1989. I’m quite sure my husband’s attitude has changed—his view of my illness has changed—due to my constant reiteration that I believe that what is happening to me is a result of our marital relationship. (G. V.): According to you, is the relationship good or bad?

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