Books

The Celle Seminars_Page 390

George Vithoulkas

(G.V.): I understand that, but try to describe your state more. I don’t want what an outsider can see, I want what the insider sees. Are you very shy or very timid? Do you blame yourself for things? What’s actually going on?
(F.P.): I always reproach myself for things, for example, that perhaps I didn’t bring up my children right, things I messed up in the past. I can’t concentrate in the morning on work. Sometimes I’m shy and sometimes not.
(G.V.): Do you have a guilty conscience in the morning? (F.P.): Yes, other people might dismiss it, but I have that feeling. (G.V.): Do you feel better as the day progresses? (F.P.): Yes.
(G.V.): When is the best time for you? (F.P.): Late afternoon and the evening. I stay up quite late. (G.V.): Do you have more energy to do things in the evening? (F.P.): More than in the morning; but in terms of concentration, I always feel as though I’m not all there.
(G. V.): Would you say that you are generally lacking in self-confidence? (F.P.): Yes.
(G.V.): Have you been like this all your life? (F.P.): I’ve never been able to develop self-confidence. In fact, I never had to develop any self-confidence because all my life things have been done for me or responsibilities taken away from me. My mother always just said, »I’ll do that for you.« (G.V.): Is your husband like that as well? Does he take responsibilities away from you?
(F.P.): Yes, it is a similar situation; he allows me to do things, but then he turns around and takes the responsibility out of my hands. With written things for example, he’d say, »Let me do that, I have better penmanship.« Then at other times he’d say, »You never do anything.« It’s a catch-22. (G. V.): Do you forget names?
(F.P.): More recently I can remember faces but not the names that go with them. This only applies to new people.

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