Books

The Celle Seminars_Page 350

George Vithoulkas

(G.V.): Was your relationship with your parents good up until the time you left the group, or did it become strained when you first developed an interest in men?
(F.P.): I left home when I was eighteen because my parents, especially my mother, looked after me like a little child. I felt that I couldn’t do anything without her noticing. I wanted to get free of her.
(G.V.): How did you feel towards her by that time? Did you feel she was too aggressive?
(F.P.): Yes, she was nosey; she even opened my letters. (G.V.): How did you feel, oppressed by her? (F.P.): Oppressed and I also think that I was ashamed of her because she did all these things. I couldn’t be alone and manage things without my mother. When I was a child I liked to do things alone, for example, buy clothes alone, but she never let me.
(G.V.): What were your feelings, can you describe them? (F.P.): Sometimes I wished that she would die. (G.V.): Did you tell her that? (F.P.): No.
(G.V.): Were you ever able to speak to her openly about these feelings, or did you just keep everything inside? (F.P.): There were times when I’d tell her that she hurt me as child and a teenager, but she would just say that I shouldn’t be so harsh and that what she did was right. She’d say that I carried a grudge, remembered things too strongly. I have the ability to remember things a long time when someone hurts me, twenty years or more after the fact I can still remember certain scenes. That’s one of my bad qualities, remembering things about others. (G.V.): If somebody comes and apologizes then-(F.P.): Then everything is gone, then it’s okay. But if we don’t talk about problems, I remember them for a long time.

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