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The Celle Seminars_Page 265

Celle Seminar I, Case 9: Lymphoma

(F.P.): There was considerable time between those two events; my father died in 1981 and my illness was diagnosed in 1988. (G.V.): When did you find out that your mother had cancer? (F.P.): It was my mother’s sister, not my mother. (G.V.): Is your mother healthy? (F.R): Yes, she is quite healthy.
(G.V.): Do you love her? Are you close to your mother? (F.R): I’ve a much better relationship to my mother now than I had in the past. In the old days I used to think that I really had to work hard and get somewhere in order to have my mother love me, but now I don’t have that feeling any longer. I think I get along very well with my mother now.
(G. V.): Do you like to lie in the sun? Do you like to get a suntan? (F.P.): Yes, but I prefer to move around in the sun. (G.V.): Are you easily frightened? (F.R): Yes.
(G.V.): When you are in the company of your friends, are you loquacious, do you take part? (F.R): Yes.
(G. V.): You said at one point that you were a spectator of life and not a participant.
(F.P.): That’s true, especially when I’m in a situation where I don’t feel that secure, like dancing in front of a lot of strangers. (G.V.): Don’t you like to dance?
(F.P.): I’m very afraid to dance. I love classical ballet, and I dance for myself alone, independently. But when I was thirteen or fourteen, I remember dancing and some distant relative of my mother’s made fun of me; ever since then I no longer like to dance. (G.V.): Do you like to dance by yourself because it makes you feel better?
(F.P.): If I dance on my own, yes, but not if there are other people around and I get the feeling that they might laugh at me. There’s no flow then to my movements. I get all wooden like Pinocchio. (G.V.): You become very self-conscious? (F.R): I can’t move any longer.

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