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The Celle Seminars_Page 259

Celle Seminar I, Case 9: Lymphoma

(G. V.): But were you afraid of injections before the treatment? (F.P.): Well, not a horrible fear. I’ve always had injections when I really needed them. (G. V.): How is your sexual drive?
(F.P.): It has never been particularly pronounced. I think the most important thing for me is security and warmth; in a situation where these are given I can develop a considerable desire, but outside that sort of setting my desire is low. It is an external need for security, a feeling of wanting to be accepted. (G.V.): To be loved?
(F.P.): Yes, to be loved as I am, not as I ought to be or as somebody wants me to be. I was very sensitive about this. If this feeling of security was absent, if I didn’t feel accepted, I closed myself off and all my defenses would go up. (G. V.): And then you would develop an aversion to sexual contact?
(F.P.): Not an aversion, an indifference. (G. V.): Did you refuse to participate?
(F.P.): Exactly. I would detach myself from it; I was no longer there, it just happened.
(G. V.): In both those relationships, did it take a long time before you could arrive at a state where you felt secure? (F.P.): Not really. In each case it took just a few months. (G.V.): How long of a break was there between the end of your first relationship and the beginning of the second? (F.P.): There was virtually no break at all. (G. V.): You had no problem finding another boyfriend? (F.P.): Yes, actually it happened like that.
(G. V.): Apart from these two relationships, did you have other, more casual relationships?
(F.P.): The relationships I’d had beforehand weren’t really that intense; they didn’t really get under my skin. (G. V.): Were they too superficial?
(F.P.): Yes. Those relationships didn’t touch me. In fact I could distance myself more then, be more aggressive. (G. V.): In what way aggressive?

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