Books

The Celle Seminars_Page 256

George Vithoulkas

or four years old it was always a great comfort to have the light on when I went to sleep, and it made falling asleep much easier. It’s become that way again ever since I’ve been sick. (G.V.): Did you go and climb in with your parents and sleep in their bed?
(F.P.): Not at all, because if I did, they would only send me straight back to bed. (laughs) (Therapist): Why did you laugh?
(F.P.): I laughed because of what’s been going on more recently; it’s a repetition of what was going on in my childhood. Now when I am lying in bed and I can’t get to sleep, I have this horrible feeling of wanting to go to sleep and never wake up again. It’s a great comfort to me to have a light on.
(G.V.): Wait a moment. You have a horrible feeling that you may go to sleep and never wake up again? (F.P.): No, sometimes I have difficulty relaxing at night. (G.V.): But you said something that is very important. (F.P.): I mixed up two things. First of all, I laughed because of something that I used to do and which I now do again: on evenings when I could not get to sleep and was restless, I’d turn the light on just as I was about to get into bed, and turn it off just before I fell asleep. I did exactly the same thing when I was a child. The other thing is that since being ill, really ill, I found that I had problems waking up in the morning. I had a feeling of just wanting to stay in bed and not rejoin the world. But there is not fear of never waking up again.
(G.V.): Is it simply that when you wake up in the morning you feel that it is too great of a burden for you to carry on living? (P.P.): Yes, when I wake up in the morning now I think that it’s too much for me. But this has only been since my illness. (G.V.): How are you coping with your illness? (P.P.): I think that I can now start to believe that I might actually get better again.
(G.V.): How did you feel about the whole thing when you first found out the results?

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