Books

The Celle Seminars_Page 262

George Vithoulkas

(G.V.): Have you ever gone to the seaside to see how you feel there?
(F.P.): Yes, I liked it, but I found it almost a little melancholy listening to the noises of the sea. It moved me very much. (G.V.): Do you feel better at the seaside or while swimming? Do you feel better inside, have more energy, less pains, etc.? (F.P.): Yes. I think that I have more energy, feel better about myself, and I also feel less vulnerable.
(G.V.): Do you feel very vulnerable to the external world? (F.P.): Yes, but I’m able to put up a good facade. (G.V.): By engaging in some specific way of thinking, or by considering some impressions and disregarding others? (F.P.): No, I think that I fust try to make sure that nobody else notices how insecure I feel.
(G.V.): Do you have to leave the light on now all night when you sleep? Do you leave a light burning somewhere? Can you tolerate absolute darkness?
(F.P.): The light is important to me in getting to sleep; I turn it off before I fall fast asleep. Sometimes I leave it burning, and if I wake up in the middle of the night, then I switch it off. (G.V.): If you knew that light didn’t burn electricity, would you leave it on?
(F.P.): Then I wouldn’t need it as much.
(G.V.): How is your fear of death now? Do you have a fear of death?
(F.P.): It’s not too bad. It’s more a fear of not having enough time to live.
(G.V.): What do you feel inside? Is it a kind of urgency to live intensely, or do you feel resigned?
(F.P.): No, I haven’t given things up. I have the feeling that I really have to want to live and then I can go on living. (G.V.): Do you enjoy life at this moment?
(F.P.): Yes, certainly. It’s been a month or so since I started enjoying life again. There were phases before when I was extremely depressed. (G.V.): And what did you do during the depression?

262