Books

The Celle Seminars_Page 254

George Vithoulkas

(G.V.): It was mentioned that you are afraid that the world is coming to an end. Can you tell me more about these fears? (F.P.): It was more a feeling of doubt about my life. Would I be able to look after myself? Would I be able to build a career for myself? Would I be able to earn my own living? Would I be able to find people whom I can get along with? It was really a sort of horrible feeling of, »Good God! What is going to happen to me now?« Despite the fact that I was perfectly aware that I had done well at school and in my training, and that there was no reason to worry that my future prospects would be anything less than good, I still felt an inner conflict.
(G.V.): Can you give me an example of your low-esteem or lack of self-confidence? (F.P.): (silence)
(G.V.): Have you ever discussed this with a friend? (F.P.): I’ve always given people the impression that I am an able person, that I can cope with everything. I think that I’ve even made myself believe this is true. I always thought that I needed to learn more and do more than anybody else, above average things, so that I would be self-sufficient. For example, I was afraid to ask my boyfriend what he planned. I had the feeling that I had no right to ask him to declare his intentions concerning our future together; I thought it was unreasonable to demand of him. Did I have the right to push him into that decision? I was frightened of him leaving me. I thought that I didn’t have enough good qualities to tip the scale in my favor, that I should just be satisfied with what I had. (G.V.): Can you describe yourself? (F.P.): Internally or externally? (G.V.): Internally.
(F.P.): I feel insecure. I feel that I have a great difficulty accepting myself as I really am. I also have the feeling that others find it difficult to accept me once they know me. I have big problems even thinking about aggression; I need a lot of harmony. I can be very sensitive and perceptive, and I am quite adaptable.

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