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The Celle Seminars_Page 153

Celle Seminar I, Case 5: Myelogenous Leukemia

before, but I couldn’t point out exactly what it is I dreamt; I don’t know if it’s real, or if it is only an idea. (G. V.): Do you have an explanation for your illness? (M.P.): I think there’s not fust one cause but several: I think one is my constitution, one is my psychological »stuff«, and one has to do with the fact that I wasn’t living very healthily before. (G. V.): How responsible is any one of these causes in your opinion?
(M.P.): I think that if my whole constitution were very strong, I could hold it all up! But I think it was too much; I was causing myself permanent damage and that brought me to this point. I couldn’t compensate for my psychological problems in a normal way. Besides, my diet wasn’t very good.
(G.V.): You were talking about a psychological state, what is this? Can you tell me about it, or don’t you want to? (M.P.)-.No, that’s…
(G. V.): Why do you think so much before answering my ques¬tions?
(M.P.): Because it is difficult to find the right words! (G.V.): You can say whatever you want to say. This is what I meant when I said that you are running things through your mind.
(M.P): Yes, but…
(G. V.): Now, what you are about to tell me will be useless because you’re screening out things that you don’t want to tell me. You tell me only what you think I want to hear. (M.P.): Yes, but there’s a problem, I have to speak English. (G.V.): You can speak in German! We have interpreters here. (M.P.): But I’d also have to think of which words to use in German. The problem isn’t necessarily that I don’t want to tell you things, I just can’t find the right words to express what I want. I see from my therapist’s notes that there are a lot of misunderstandings.
(G. V.): Do you ever cry? (M.P.): I have more recently, yes. (G. V.): Under what circumstances do you cry?

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