Books

The Celle Seminars_Page 68

George Vithoulkas

(G.V.): Why? Out of love, affection…?
(F.P.): Certainly love played a part, but perhaps I was also lonely at the time. The relationship with my husband began in another way: I think I was looking for help for my very unfortunate puberty, as I viewed my life then. (G.V.): Why did puberty turn out to be a mess? (F.P.): It was unfortunate because I believed, for example, that there should be no sex before marriage. Maybe I was just afraid; things were different then. This was the classical moral view at that time, and I certainly shared the view that sex before marriage was undesirable and impractical. I think otherwise now, but at the time, I also believed this view. That’s why my internal fears lead me to escape into my illness when I was faced with a sexual relationship.
(G.V.): Did you desire sex, or were you afraid of it? (F.P.): I believe both at the same time. When I had a relationship, I enjoyed it very much, but afterwards I became worried about it. I think this is a conflict for all young people today; I think it’s very normal. But back then things were very different. (G.V.): Did you have a strong sexual urge at the age of sixteen or seventeen?
(F.P.): I would not really describe it as a strong sexual urge. I would simply say that I felt very much attracted to a person whom I considered to be very nice. (G.V.): At the age of sixteen? (F.P.): Yes.
(G.V.): Were you disappointed by that first love? (F.P.): No. In that particular relationship I left the man concerned because I had an inferiority complex. Right or wrong, I simply felt inferior to him. (G.V.): So you left him? (F.P.): Yes.
(G.V.): How old was he?
(F.P.): I believe there was an age difference of two years between us.

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