Books

The Celle Seminars_Page 55

Celle Seminar I, Case 2: Insanity

and said, » On this spot I was once in hell, but I know now that I never have to go back there again, that’s over for me.« Because she gave me this positive signal, I was able to tell her about the other horrible occurrence, because she was no longer in that state of being. I think this is the reason why my wife interprets my understanding of her illness as she does. But I think my wife has misinterpreted my interpretation of her illness. (F.P.): May I comment on this myself? The difficulty in our relationship is really that my husband has made me frightened of my past. I believe now that these are really his own fears which I’ve internalized. My husband is a certified public accountant and he’s very religious. He uses interpretations and pictures contained in the Bible to suit his own purposes. It is against this background that I see our disputes. This also explains many of our difficulties: I am simply fighting against my husband’s interpretation of my illness. The dispute between my husband and myself is about the way he sees things and the way I see things set against the background of my studies of the Bible and my interpretation of them. My Bible studies arose from the need to educate myself and to come to terms with my own fears. I could not accept my husband’s interpretation of my illness, therefore I tried to educate myself in his field in order to better argue my point. (G.V.): Do you mean to say that your husband thinks you are possessed by the devil? (F.P.): That was his initial interpretation. (G.V.): How many years ago was this?
(F.P.): The first time was in 1981. At that time, my husband said to our children, » What’s going on with mommy at the moment; you wouldn’t understand now. You will only understand it later on when you are older.«
(G. V.): Your feelings about your husband’s ideas, are these based on reality, or are they fabricated? Has your husband actually said that this is what he thinks is happening to you, or did you just assume that this is what he meant?
(F.P.): Judging from the material that my husband has occupied himself with over the years, and also from the way he sees illness

55